Hi Stequig32

1) If you have no previous website, do these plugins have a matching theme or do I need a third party theme?

2) If has no theme provided, what themes would you recommend on a new wp install?

This plugin doesn't have any dependence from your theme and old/new websites. It's designed to add a forum section with own layouts and styes in a page content. Your WordPress should have an active theme installed, wpForo adds forums in a page contents. wpForo style is compatible with all kind of themes, you just need to change the style set of colors to fit you theme colors, this can be changed in Dashboard > Forums > Settings > Styles admin page. Doc: https://wpforo.com/docs/root/wpforo-settings/style-settings/

3) when I registered for this forum the confirmation email link sent me to a standard word press login and i ended up in wordpress.com admin panel. Can this be customised?

That's not wordpress.com admin panel. That's a simple WordPress Password Reset page. We use "User Registration with Email Confirmation" mode, if you disable this option (Dashboard > Forums > Settings > features admin page) you'll not see that page.